And has been for many many months now. It embodies everything I feel on a day to day basis. I hope to feel peace. I hope to not feel anger. I hope to just "be" each day. I hope to hold a crying baby in my arms again.
This past ten months has been a journey I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy and yet I wouldn't give it away either because it's mine. It is what helps to make me, me now.....it's part of my make up now. I carry it with me with pride because it's what I have left.
Our hope has come in the form of a little pink line on a pregnancy test. The hope that we have prayed for for 6 months now. As a matter of fact I realized 6 months to the day that the doctor told it was ok to try again. Another chance to help God in creating another miracle. Ava told me that Mary, as in Jesus' mother, told her she knows what we are going to have and it's a boy. I guess we will see in a few months:) All we care about is that it is a healthy screaming alive baby.
I drove past a church yesterday and the sign in front read.."Can you feel the hope?" And I can honestly say for the first time in a long time yes I can.
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